The Beauty of a “Secret Favorite”

Written by: Sabrina Abselet

The term “Secret Favorite” came to be one night in my living room. Sitting around the television, its quiet hum filled the room. My mom was showing me a new sweater she bought, holding up a bright fuchsia, grinning from ear to ear as she turned to me. In almost a confession, she whispered, “I love this color, isn’t it just fabulous?” Without thinking, I replied, “It’s your Secret Favorite color!” Usually, my mom loves anything and everything orange.

Growing up, everything was orange. Our cooking utensils, her nail polish, tablecloths, handbags, hair clips, and dishes were all various hues/shades of orange. Any time I see anything orange, I immediately associate it with my mom. It could be the most obscure thing, like a TV ad for Metamucil, and I’d joke around that she would drink it solely for its color.

Hearing her confession, I was taken aback. She spoke with such unexpected passion about fuchsia that, for a moment, I questioned everything I knew about her. Who was this imposter, and where was my mom? The woman who always admired anything and everything orange was revealing a side of herself I’d never seen, and it left me confused.

A Secret Favorite gives you the license to step outside of yourself; to share a part of yourself that might not “fit” the version of you people know.

A Secret Favorite can be best described as something you enjoy but you don’t share it outwardly. Almost like a guilty pleasure, but not guilty—just private. It’s like when someone you’ve known for a while shares a piece of lore that you never knew. You’re left questioning your relationship with this person, and if you really know everything about them.

Your schema, or the pattern of thinking you use to interpret the world around you, has been altered. When you discover a Secret Favorite, you realize just how much you don’t know about yourself. So, when someone shares their Secret Favorite, it almost feels like an honor. Having the realization that other people are just as complex as you are. Everyone around you is trying to figure it out too. We are all on this journey together. At times as a society, we can forget that other people feel just as deeply as we do. Getting to share something private and vulnerable brings you closer to the people you love. Slowly through each confession, you bring yourself closest to the truest version of you.

Its essence is hard to capture in words, but you just know it when you feel it. Secret Favorites come up when you least expect it and can be a saving grace. I was gifted this treat bag with an abnormal amount of salted peanuts, which is not my usual pick of a savory snack. I was anxious: what on earth am I going to do with all these peanuts? I brought the bag home and was giving my roommate a haul, complaining about the abundance of peanuts as she admitted, “I love peanuts! They’re my Secret Favorite, I even carry them around in my handbag sometimes as a treat.” This was someone I’ve lived with for the past year and have known for over three, and here I was just now hearing about her love of peanuts!

Secret Favorite is now a term used amongst my friends and family. When admitting something, I sometimes catch myself starting the sentence with “This is my Secret Favorite…” Secret Favorites give you grace to be whichever version of yourself you want to be, giving us the license to be the versions of yourself that we define, not an amalgamation of people’s views on who we are. We give autonomy to the voice inside us—that authentic version of ourselves.

It’s not something you share outwardly (it’s a secret, duh) but rather a way to share an honest and true expression of yourself. Secret Favorites give us the freedom to be true to ourselves when we get caught in roles or routines we create in our lives. On a surface level, it’s fun: for example, having more than one favorite color. But, on a deeper level, it allows us to be multi-dimensional. We are constantly creating new versions of ourselves instead of being trapped in the expectations we have set for ourselves.

I’ve found a life filled with Secret Favorites is a life full of opportunity. You never know when you might discover your Secret Favorite ice cream flavor or artist. It makes each day a little more exciting. Once you find your Secret Favorite, you grow into a fuller version of yourself.